Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Breaking News!! Lawsuit filed against Queen

Paprikjaya, 25 Jan - The current Allah controversy in Bolehsia has taken a new turn. The attorney- general Adoi Gona Pantat had filed criminal charges against 'Queen' the 1970s rock band for using the word 'Bismillah' in their song Bohemian Rhapsody.

In speaking to reporters outside the High Court, Gona Pantat said the case was established based on the report of Ketat state MP Zul Kick Me Puting police report earlier in the morning. 'Bismillah' is considered another term for 'Allah' which only can be used by Muslims in Bolehsia. As the song is hugely popular in Bolehsia, the authorities fear that Bolehsia Muslims could be confused by the lyrics and lead them to a life of hedonistic British Hippies.

The Bar Counter of Jln Chow Kit has issued a statement expressing reservations of these charges. In it they said that that Queen's lead vocalist Freddie Mercury was born a Muslim by the name of Farrokh Bulsara, thereby giving him legal rights to sing the word 'Bismillah'. However Gona Pantat rebuke the Bar, by insisting the current restriction of using Allah applies to beer-drinking, ganja-smoking and anal penetrating Kafirs too.

Meanwhile Bik 'Killer Queen' Mama wasted no time in launching a utterly, irrelevant and unsolicited publicity attempt. She pointed that the song was the primary cause that led a group of students to protest her visit to Universiti Bolehya. She stressed further that if students keep idolizing Queen, they will lose their way and become college dropout. She was obviously ignorant of the fact that Queen's lead guitarist Brian May has a PhD in astrophysics and is currently the chancelor of a Liverpool John Moore University.

Not to be outdone, the Inspector General of Police Muntah 'Under Pressure' Laksa, has vowed he will mobilized all police personnel to clamp down on live performance of Bohemian Rhapsody by all non muslim artists. Especially mini skirt Filipino and Chinese night club singers.

Regarding the case Chief Justice Tan Sri Maki 'Good old fashion lover boy' Nonomi, had expressed regret that Justice Ovaltine Pooh could not preside over the case as he was part of 'Another Bites The Dust' performance. However he stressed that he will do a lompat kijang of the case straight to the Federal Court to dispense swift injustice.

Not to be outdone, the information minister 'Bicycle Race' kowtim warned members of public not to watch videos of Bohemian Rhapsody on youtube, facebook or twitter. Such videos will erode the culture of Bolehsia and may lead to luar tabii sexual activities.

Caution : The videos are suitable for Muslim of weak Qalb.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Pregnant Kaki Tambaks

My wife is pregnant now. So I know first hand how pregnancy inflicts physical torture on most women. Firstly,the constant gastric attacks on the esophagus which leads to constant vomiting. Then there are the headaches. Not a moment goes by without lethargies kicking in. Their energy are are so low that they always feel depressed. Then the vomiting stops (some women never stop vomiting until they give births), they start to have cramps, backaches and their bodies become bloated (Hyponatremia).

So it is tough being pregnant. It is even tougher for a pregnant kaki tambak. The fortunate ones are those who vomit inside their private cars on the causeway. The less fortunate ones will have to take the busses. And the most unfortunate ones are those like the picture below.

A pregnant kaki tambak with a very huge tummy. The jam was around 1 hour that evening.

Another very tired looking pregnant kaki tambak, taking shade from the strong evening sun while his husband was pushing their motorbike.

Being pregnant and on a motorbike for 3 hours per day will make your body aching all over. Furthermore breathing in exhaust fumes will increase the risk of miscarriages. Not to mention the slightest of accidental impact could cause serious injuries.

No husband would like to let their wife suffer like this. So why are there still so many pregnant Malaysians trotting the causeway everyday? The reason is just that many Malaysians could barely afford the basic things in their daily lives.

Is there something wrong with Malaysia? I will leave that for you to decide.

Kaki Tambak

Monday, January 11, 2010

The King Kong In Us

I actually intended to write something about my friend Raymond Lee, a talented musician and a former kaki tambak.

But when I got home from work, I came across the news of Tan Chun Kee who was robbed and stabbed to death in KL. The news made me numb.

It brought me back to 2006 when I too lost my dear friend in the same manner. She was killed 3 days before she could turn 18. She was cremated on what was supposed to be her 18th birthday. That was the darkest hours of my life.

It was with great sadness that I have to read the news of Chun Kee, the latest victim. What evils and hatred that drove these perpetrator to kill their innocent defenseless victim? Where is justice? When will the killing stops? How can I not hate this murderers? These questions are a burden that I carry everyday.

So it was weird, that later tonight my 2 year old daughter forced me and my wife to watch the DVD King Kong by Peter Jackson. During the movie, I could sensed my daughter being touched by King Kong. I could see the sadness in her eyes when King Kong was pounded by bullets after bullets and falling imminently to his death. At the end of movie she immediately gave her mother a hug.

And it struck me that all humans or beasts are born with a love and affinity for life. My daughter has it. King Kong did not lost his. But it seems that many of us has lost it somewhere in the midst of our complex man made society. Until we humans rediscover it, we cannot find a way out from the violence and hatred clouding all over us.

Weird as it seems, that a fictional Hollywood beast can possibly shed some light on our lives. But only if we want it to.

Kaki Tambak

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Calling All Malaysians down South!!! Voter Registration At Sutera Mall on Every Sunday of Jan 2009

The following article is a citizen journalism report by Anak Bangsa Malaysia Selatan:

Johor Bahru, Jan 3 - A voter registration campaign was launched at Sutera Mall, Johor Bahru today. In this campaign a voter registration kiosk will be setup at Sutera Mall(next to Information Counter) from 11am to 10pm for every Sunday of January 2009. The kiosk are meant for new voters registration only. For existing voters who wish to change their voting address, they need to change their address at the National Registration Department (Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara) first and then register the same changes at the Malaysian Election Commision (Suruhanjaya Pilihan Raya or SPR) offices or the nearest Post offices.

The kiosk is managed by Mr Tan Yen Ming, Assistant Registrar appointed by SPR. SPR's Assistant Registrars are apointed from civil servants or nominated by political parties to assist them in the registration of new voters. In Mr Tan's case he was nominated by PKR. All voter registration operations by these Assistant Registrars are operated under SPR banner. No political parties or organizations logo or indirect campaigning are allowed to be featured in such operations.

This campaign aims to help eligible Malaysians who are unable to personally visit SPR offices or Post Offices during office hours for registration. Additionally Malaysians working or staying in Singapore can also take advantage of the voter registration kiosk at Sutera Mall. To register as a voter all need to do is you fill in an SPR form and need produce your Mykad for verification purpose.

Afterwards, the Assistants Registrar will submit these completed forms to SPR for processing. Since they are submitting hundreds or thousands of forms at one go, there are possibility that some registrations form will not be successful the first time due to the heavy load of paperwork at SPR. Mr Tan assured that he will follow up and ensure all his submitted registrations to the SPR are successful. In the event of SPR rejecting some registration, he will seek the reasons from SPR and informed the voter applicants accordingly.

Mr Tan assisted by volunteers at the voter registration kiosk at Sutera Mall

Mr Tan verifying and completing the registrations forms.

As of 8pm today close to 400 new voters has been registered at the kiosk. They people behind this campaign is appealing to all unregistered eligible voters in JB and Singapore, to secure their right to vote and exercise their right to vote in the coming election. - Anak Bangsa Malaysia Selatan

So guys please kick the butt of those millions of Malaysians around you who still have not bother to registered. Concerned fellow Malaysians are sacrificing their Subdays to help you get registered. Please do your part for Malaysia.

PS : Most of the volunteers there are not PKR members. They are there to help Mr Tan only.

Kaki Tambak

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Lets make the new year great!

I am going to be a bit odd here and not wishing the conventional 'Happy New Year'.

Instead I challenge every Malaysian to make this year great. In order to have happy new year, we have to first work hard towards it.

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to spoil the party. Celebrate all you like but a happy and smashing year won't fall merrily onto our lap. Only after when we achieved something significantly greater, then we can be able to call 2010 a happy new year.

The shit in our country can only be cleaned up when there is enough of us getting out of our comfy seats and start fighting. Mine is not so comfy, so I am already all geared up for a fight.

Here is a video for those of everyone's contemplation. Its from SABMtv.

Kaki Tambak